Picking My Battles

     I always said that I save my energy for the "big stuff". I don't like getting upset over little things. Sometimes the world is full of bad news, unfortunate events and discouraging things. All of it can affect our spirit. We feel sympathy and sadness when things happen, then we must work through those feelings and continue to keep ourselves strong. 

    Especially when we experience challenging times in our own lives. I am a natural worrier, call it my zodiac, my personality, how I was raised...whatever it may be. I think too much sometimes as well. In any case, I constantly look for ways to manage it, working through distress, sadness, fear and any other emotions that accompany those unexpected events we are faced with. Even within our own circles and families we can have frustrations and discouragements; and sometimes it may seem that at the moment they want priority given to them. It can be a balancing act; to be available to the ones you care for as well as taking care of yourself. 

    I had a lot of "time" on my hands during the past year or so. Some was due to recovering, and some was simply from "trying to figure things out". I am back to work now, which helps a lot; but I find myself still wondering if this is what I really want to do.  My perspective has changed some, which opens up the question of "other possibilities" that could be out there. I wonder if this is a good time to really go after those dreams and goals. I also struggle with the fear of defeat like so many. Part of me wants to just stay where I am and focus on securing my financial future as best I can; but part of me wants to do something more enjoyable that will nurture my soul. 

    I don't try to sugar coat anyting, but I do try to "accept" some things as they are knowing I cannot change them. My main focus is learning to navigate through those things that are not in my control. For example: I cannot control the fact that I got cancer, but I can control what I do in the process to live longer, be happier and be able to plan for whatever may come in the future (even if I do not know). 

    I cannot predict the future, so why worry about it? This isn't to say I don't still struggle with that very thing...but I do try to talk myself out of the worry when I feel it coming on. I am constantly finding ways to ease my mind and fill it with encouraging things. It's not denial, it's more like balancing the reality of life with its truths and facts, and the things I can do something about. 

    I feel like whatever impact I can have on others, somehow helps me to be a more fulfilled person. Not only does it affect my health, but often the well-being of others. After all, isn't that why we are here in the first place?