I finally got home to Pennsylvania this past November. I went home to see my mom and spend some time with her while my sister and her husband went out of town. It had been about 6 years since I had seen her. There was the pandemic, then I had to deal with my Cancer diagnosis with all the surgery, chemo, and diagnostic tests. Needless to say, I was very happy to finally get home. 

    Mom has some forgetfulness lately, but not too bad yet. It is enough for us all to worry about her being home alone, though. So far, she has done okay. I do wish I lived closer. I found myself contemplating the choices I have made that led me to end up staying in South Carolina. I sometimes wonder if I should still consider moving back to Pennsylvania to be closer to Mom. My oldest daughter and her son live with me, but my youngest daughter is in the Virgin Islands. I really don't have any other family here. I do have lots of friends, but even many of them have moved away over the years. 

    After completing my BSN, I decided to continue on and pursue my master's degree in public health. My theory was that if I decided to move back to Pennsylvania, I could potentially start over with a new career that is "sort of " related to the nursing I have done for 35+ years. I may even be able to find a way to do something from home. That would be a nice way to spend the last 10 or 15 years I have left to work! 

 

We do tend to miss home when we get older. I believe it's a nostalgia thing. The world is growing, developing, and expanding. The once quiet little suburbs and little towns around Charleston are now bustling from an influx of people over the last several years. Though I have gotten spoiled by the convenience of 24-hour stores, pizza delivery, and many choices for work and shopping; I still think at times that perhaps a quieter life is something I could really go for! 

Mom and I went on a train ride along the river while I was home. 

Bart, the "conductor/tour guide", in all his wisdom telling the story and history of the small towns, brought back memories of why I have always loved where I grew up. It also helped me understand why my mom won't leave, even with the offer to come stay with me in South Carolina. She really loves where she lives, and I am sure plucking her out of her home, would not be good for her. I totally get why she can't leave! 

    Growing up, family was important. That family has gotten much smaller over the years, and the newer generations are spread out, so there isn't the same closeness we had then from gatherings, small town events, or Sunday dinners. Mom feels the loneliness and misses those times. My sister and her husband try very hard to keep some sort of tradition and gatherings going, but it isn't the same as it was when we were all home. Usually whenever I do get home, one of the things my mom really enjoys, is looking through old photo books (before the internet and smart phones) LOL! She likes to reminisce of days gone by. Mom does not have a smart phone, no computer, and still uses a percolator to make her coffee! I am sure some of her occasional sadness comes from the idea that the world has moved ahead while she remains behind. She likes her simple life on one hand, but on the other hand, she gets frustrated that she has never tried to progress forward with the rest of the world. 

    Her simplicity and no desire to change is what makes me smile, though. I feel like she is preserving a life that most of us have long surpassed to keep up with the demands of technology and fast-paced growth in society. I miss her even more because of it!

Moving Forward!

 

Well, I am in my final week of school for my Bachelors of Science Degree in nursing. I can't say it was on my bucket list of "things to do before I die", but it did seem like a commonsense thing to do. I am sure it will open up other possibilities that may not have been available to me as an associate degree RN. I am not necessarily in the market or looking for something else, but I often find myself questioning whether or not I want to continue bedside nursing. I am in my 60's, and though nursing has been a great way to earn a living, I must begin thinking about what to do in my "later years". All those aches and pains from 30+ years of bedside nursing both as a Licensed Practical Nurse and a Registered Nurse, make me contemplate an alternative career path! 

I will say that I enjoyed my classes for the most part. A Bachelor level education is certainly different from what I have been accustomed to between LPN school and RN school, both from technical colleges. It's an education on transitioning into leadership, research, policy, and so much more. The most fascinating part of it, is now, any education I seek from here on out, is considered "graduate" level education. Wow! I think LPN and associate degree RN programs, especially from technical colleges, prepare nurses for the workforce from the clinical aspect and hands on work that nurses do every day. The bachelor's level and beyond, focus more on all those things that have an effect on those nurses working at their jobs every day, from managerial issues, financial issues, policy issues, global and public health issues, and research, of course. 

At least having been a licensed practical nurse, then an associate degree nurse, and now a bachelor degree nurse, I can see things from different perspectives. I understand what my managers go through, I understand how finances affect our jobs, I understand how policies and practices are made and changed. One of the main focuses of the program I attended is how to become a "change agent". It gave me a lot to think about, at least. Even if I don't have any immediate plans as to what I am going to do next, I have some new knowledge and skills to take with me when I do know what I want to do when I grow up!

Spring Is Almost Here!

 

    I was reflecting on this time of year last year. My hair was beginning to grow back after chemotherapy, but I was still wearing scarves and hats. While on chemo I could not be out in the sun as much as I was used to. I am definitely looking forward to being out there this year. I tried to rake up some leaves today and I got tired relatively fast. I've determined it is due to lack of activity like so many in the colder months during winter. I put on some weight as well between working night shift and studying on my off days for my BSN (Bachelors of Science in Nursing). It is all excuses, I know! 

    Hopefully I can buckle down with the warmer weather and do what I know I need to do! Getting out in the yard more will help. I do enjoy yardwork, gardening, and playing in the dirt! I am a novice gardener, though! I find myself Googling my growing zone and trying to find out what interesting plants and shrubs will thrive in my yard. Charleston Horticultural Society has been a good place to find out native plants, shrubs, and trees that grow well here in South Carolina (Charleston Horticultural Society (chashortsoc.org). 

Charleston Horticultural Society actually recommends finding local plants and shrubs while walking in the woods or around the neighborhood and just grabbing a clipping of them. I haven't tried my hand at growing much from clippings yet. 

    

     Most of my luck has been with wildflower seeds. I did have some pretty sunflowers last year! I still don't know if they are the type of flower that will come back every year, but I hope so! The biggest mistake I made was getting over-zealous about planting. I bought all kinds of seeds and just went crazy planting them everywhere. When some of them did well, others did not; then I had to deal with the sporadic flowers popping up in different places with no design or plan. I have good intentions of planting specific colors and styles of flowers in strategic places to create a pretty garden, but so far, I haven't been very successful. I try to convince my daughter that it is a work in progress. She doesn't think the same way I do! To her, it's just a big mess, but it's my mess! LOL! 

    I am already thinking about when I can get to the Home Depot and Lowe's to buy my garden and potting soil! I saved all my pots from last year too, so I am going to have a good time playing this year! My problem is I have no self-control! I tend to go a little crazy as I mentioned. 

    My theory is if I start planning now, I can come up with a design and layout in time for spring planting. I am determined to do it myself (with trial and error, of course). I have learned from my mistakes! I also learned that mixing peat moss with soil helps the seeds and plants grow better! 

    I did manage to buy a Crepe Myrtle Tree last year, and that actually seems to be doing well which is exciting. Living in the south I assume that fruit trees will grow well, but I haven't had as much luck with those! My sister sent me some baby Tea Olive trees and they were doing pretty good, other than the occasional trampling from my grandson or the accidental mow over by my daughter! LOL!

    

     We have a huge Maple tree in the front between our home and the neighbor's home. The leaves are bigger than my head! I have always stood strong in the idea of having trees in my yard. I like the birds and squirrels (when the cats aren't chasing them). With trees comes the hassle of raking leaves in the fall and winter. I didn't do as well this year getting out there regularly, but with spring arriving, I am sure I will be busy catching up. I am thinking of it as creating a canvas for my work of art! LOL! 

    I am grateful for the warm weather coming so I can get out of this funk! I am guilty as the next person laying around, binge watching tv shows, eating too much, and making all sorts of excuses to procrastinate. At least I did go back to school over the winter, so it wasn't a total loss. I still ate too much and sat around more than I should have. I know better! Going back to school was good for my brain, though! 

HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE!

Wow, Fall Has Arrived!

 

It's been a while since I posted. I guess I just got busy with work, school and everyday life! Autumn brings pumpkin spice, Bailey's Irish Creme and sweater weather. I do enjoy it, but not as much as summertime when I can be in the pool and out in the yard. It's not quite cold enough for the fireplace, but that is a positive in the cooler weather. I say the same thing every year, "where did the time go"? It's going to be Christmas before we know it! 

I did start back at school, and it is going well so far. I am not quite sure what exactly I will do when finished as having a BSN in nursing does not seem to warrant that much of a difference in career opportunities, but I will see. It's just something I decided to do for myself. I got some really good discounts with being a Veteran as well as the school partnering with my current employer, so why not? 

My health is doing well. I got my implanted port removed this week, have seen one doctor and am going to see another this week. I can't say that I am not worried about the cancer recurring, but I will hold out hope that at least it will stay at bay long enough for me to finish school and get my affairs in order so that I do not leave a lot of unfinished business for my kids to sort out. I have not been a good planner for the unexpected, so now I am trying to make up for lost time. It won't happen overnight, but perhaps within a few years, I hope. 

I get discouraged when I see people who are seemingly healthier than me, dying of cancer and other illnesses. It is especially saddening when they are what I consider too young to die. It makes me question whether or not I am doing what I should be in order to optimize my health. I could do more, but I feel like any changes I make should have a positive impact regardless of if I change my entire lifestyle or not. I do not want to stress over every little aspect of my life, but I will focus on a few areas that I am willing to change at the moment. I won't be that person that gets on a soapbox talking about how to cure cancer by any means. I don't even know if it will stay away at this point. I also don't want to be that person that feels sorry for myself and gives up. Keeping a positive mindset is what helps me maintain right now. Making healthier choices with food and taking vitamins and supplements, within reason and doable, is part of my regimen now. Those are just personal choices I made that I felt like were attainable and realistic. I am working on exercising more and to quit smoking eventually. One step at a time! "A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step"...is a saying I had on a ring one time, and I love it. I have no idea who said it or where it came from, but it has stayed with me for a long time. I have since given that ring to a friend who was venturing out on a career change, and I told her to pay it forward and share it with someone else or return it to me at some time when our paths cross again. 

The impact we have on others comes back around to us. Feeling good about our actions towards someone else can make us more fulfilled and not so focused on our own problems. Even if our own lives do not turn out the way we would like, we can go to our graves feeling like we practiced even a little bit of love, kindness and gratitude. 

Is Summer Almost Over Already?

 

    I realized this week that August was just about over! Labor Day is just around the corner and school started for my grandson this week. I spent so much time recovering from surgery this summer that I couldn't enjoy my pool...so I am making up for lost time now while I can! 

    I am finally back to work without restrictions as well...so it's full speed ahead for now. It's thought provoking when you have longed for some sort of normalcy to return, and it happens to be the busy day to day activities like work, paying bills, shopping, and so forth. I liked having some time off, but after awhile I just wanted "life" to get back to its chaotic mess. 

    I still found time to do some drawing and sketching. A friend of mine saw some of my "amateur" work, and asked if I would sketch a picture of a friend's little girl...so I did!

    I wasn't sure how it would turn out, but I am happy with it, as she was. I need some more practice which gives me something to look forward to. I hope to be able to spend more time on it once I finally do slow down at work and head towards retirement. 

    When faced with the "unknown" after going through illness and treatment, it definitely prioritizes those future plans "just in case" that dreaded cancer comes back. I will not over extend myself, but I am going to focus on furthering my education and enhancing my drawing skills. Besides, I have to have something to do once the weather changes and I can't go in my pool anymore!

    Today life seems "not so bad". Let's hope it continues. Blessings to all.

 

    It's already been a couple weeks since I wrote...my goodness, how fast time goes by when you don't pay attention. My sister sent me a few more things recently, one being this neat t-shirt with my birth year on it. I thought about the different interpretations it could have. I suppose I am considered vintage in some ways. I still get confused about what exactly I am; "boomer", "middle age", "silver generation"....and so on. Oh, and let's not forget that "60 is the new 40"! I do believe society in general is trying to be healthier; looking for ways to eat better, supplements to take, finding exercise that fits their lifestyle, etc. I can relate after dealing with the life-changing event of having cancer. I am nurse and I work 12-hour shifts, so I do consider those nights my exercise! (at least for those days). The other days, I am really trying to do something, even if it's a "little" something. I do have a pool, and that is helpful for days when it's not raining. The weather here in South Carolina stays hot for a long time usually, so I do have an extended pool season. There has been more rain than usual and some weird weather like everywhere else in the world, but I have managed to get some pool time in regardless. The biggest challenge with that has been keeping it clean and the chemicals balanced. I got rid of my pool service when I was out on medical leave to save money. Google, You Tube and Tik Toc have been my resources! 

I was watching some videos on You Tube from successful strategies, motivational people, and general uplifting information...and the main thing I heard several times is that if you want to learn something, "google it" or go on You Tube. I imagine it's true, it certainly has taught me a few things. I suppose caution should be taken to make sure it's adequate and credible information, so I am "choosey" when watching. I've learned that information comes in waves and fads just like that latest "anything"...so sometimes I will see several people posting same information with their own twist on it. 

    In earlier years, if I wanted to learn something...I read books. I felt like if I read several different materials about a particular subject, and saw a recurring theme in many of them, then they must be true! I surely do not depend on social media to be my learning sources in general, but a small percentage can't hurt, right? I usually utilize a combination of social media, audiobooks, real people and real books. This seems to work for me, so I don't get sucked into a rabbit hole with only one source of information. Recently I decided to look into going back to school. One of the Technical Colleges locally is claiming to offer "free tuition" for a good number of degrees and certificates. I am not sure what the catch is, or if there is one...but I am checking into it (why not?)! They say to never stop learning. My theory is to be able to get off the floor and out of the hallways with my nursing career. I am tired of running the halls. I'd like to do something different and perhaps more specialized. 

    I think with Covid back on the rise again, I really want to get out of the hospital. I am already wearing my mask again and ordering plenty of vitamin C and Zinc; along with lots of other supplements to add to my routine of "trying to stay healthy" vs. "trying to get healthy". I must admit being worried a little about it, but what's going to happen is going to regardless, so I need to be ready. I have been paying more attention to how much of our foods have additives and preservatives as well. I can't avoid all of them, but I can certainly make better choices with much of it. I am making changes where I can for now. When I am ready, I will pick another area or two to work on! That's it for now! Peace!

    

    

Picking My Battles

     I always said that I save my energy for the "big stuff". I don't like getting upset over little things. Sometimes the world is full of bad news, unfortunate events and discouraging things. All of it can affect our spirit. We feel sympathy and sadness when things happen, then we must work through those feelings and continue to keep ourselves strong. 

    Especially when we experience challenging times in our own lives. I am a natural worrier, call it my zodiac, my personality, how I was raised...whatever it may be. I think too much sometimes as well. In any case, I constantly look for ways to manage it, working through distress, sadness, fear and any other emotions that accompany those unexpected events we are faced with. Even within our own circles and families we can have frustrations and discouragements; and sometimes it may seem that at the moment they want priority given to them. It can be a balancing act; to be available to the ones you care for as well as taking care of yourself. 

    I had a lot of "time" on my hands during the past year or so. Some was due to recovering, and some was simply from "trying to figure things out". I am back to work now, which helps a lot; but I find myself still wondering if this is what I really want to do.  My perspective has changed some, which opens up the question of "other possibilities" that could be out there. I wonder if this is a good time to really go after those dreams and goals. I also struggle with the fear of defeat like so many. Part of me wants to just stay where I am and focus on securing my financial future as best I can; but part of me wants to do something more enjoyable that will nurture my soul. 

    I don't try to sugar coat anyting, but I do try to "accept" some things as they are knowing I cannot change them. My main focus is learning to navigate through those things that are not in my control. For example: I cannot control the fact that I got cancer, but I can control what I do in the process to live longer, be happier and be able to plan for whatever may come in the future (even if I do not know). 

    I cannot predict the future, so why worry about it? This isn't to say I don't still struggle with that very thing...but I do try to talk myself out of the worry when I feel it coming on. I am constantly finding ways to ease my mind and fill it with encouraging things. It's not denial, it's more like balancing the reality of life with its truths and facts, and the things I can do something about. 

    I feel like whatever impact I can have on others, somehow helps me to be a more fulfilled person. Not only does it affect my health, but often the well-being of others. After all, isn't that why we are here in the first place?